A Midsummer Night's Dinner
by NYgoldfish54
Summary: It's summer and it's dinner time, and the Ducks are at Charlie's. Pizza, Chinese, Vampires... Dinner shouldn't be this big an event, should it?
1. Dinner Time

**Title:** A Midsummer Night's Dinner

**Rating:** PG-13 

**Summary:** It's summer and it's dinner time, and the Ducks are at Charlie's. Pizza, Chinese, Vampires...dinner shouldn't be this big an event, should it?****

**Feedback: **Go on, review, I dare ya…

**Dedication: **none

**Disclaimer:** The Ducks belong to Disney

**Story Notes: **I started this last week, but I don't know why. I was eating Chinese and watching D2 for the first time in about a year and a half. this is just an odd product of whatever was running through my head.

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**Chapter 1: Dinner Time**

"What do you want for dinner?" Charlie asked. 

The Ducks were at Charlie's apartment, just chilling. Seriously. The dog days of summer were killing them. It was too hot to play hockey and no family but the Banks family had a pool, which was being redone. 

"I could go for pizza," said Portman.

"We had that last night," Kenny said.

"We could have it again."

"No, Portman, I'm sick of pizza," insisted Kenny.

"I don't see why, I mean, we've only had it every night this week," said Russ sarcastically. "Dude," he looks at Portman, "Pizza is getting sickening."

"I agree," Guy said.

"Plus, it's soooo unhealthy!" Connie complained. "Julie and I don't want to get fat!"

"Dammit Connie! Be quiet!" Goldberg groaned.

"Still hoping to win back the starting goalie position, Goldie?" Averman teased. "You've got a better chance of being struck by lightening."

"Sometimes I wish you'd get struck by lightening."

"Why you-"

"IF we want healthy pizza we could get less sauce and low fat cheese," Julie raised her voice and stopped the developing Goldberg/Averman conflict.

"What!?" Fulton yelled. "Less sauce and low fat cheese!? That's not pizza! That's blasphemy! You're going to burn in pizza hell!"

"Sit down, you big twit," Luis said lazily.

"I know!" Adam grinned excitedly, "Let's do Chinese!"

"Sounds de-liddily-licious to me," Dwayne smiled.

"Eh-" Averman started then stopped.

"What?" Charlie asked.

"I don't think Chinese is a good idea."

"What? Why?" Adam looked insulted that someone didn't like his idea.

"Vampires eat Chinese." Everyone stopped to stare at Averman.

"Crazy bastard!" Guy laughed. "Charlie, dial!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Averman dove and knocked the phone out of Charlie's hands.

"What the hell are you doing?" Charlie asked from underneath Averman.

"Saving our lives!" Averman explained.

"Well, so am I. We're all going to die of starvation if you get your way. Averman, I'm really sorry about this, but-" Charlie looks at Portman and orders, "Portman, sit on him."

Portman got up and sat on Averman, who then struggled to get out from under. Everyone watched and laughed as Portman's ass nailed Averman to the floor. After Charlie had placed the order, Portman let Averman out from under him.

"Wow, man," said Averman in admiration, "You've got butt muscles that can crack a walnut!"

"Thanks," said Portman, beaming with pride.

"Why were you going out of your way to touch his ass?" Luis asked teasingly. "Is there something you're not telling us?"

"Yes, Luis, there is. I'm gay, and I'd rather touch your butt than Portman's, but I wasn't lucky enough to have your hot Latin ass sit on me."

Luis looked somewhere between shocked and horrified.

"Wipe that look off your face. I don't want you at all. Portman was sitting on me, with his ass, which is where most people sit, so I kind of figured out how it felt. How about he sits on all of you and we'll see how many of you don't notice."

"Ugh, no thanks," Julie groaned and laughed at the same time.

"Come on, babe, you know you want a piece of this!" Portman grinned, sticking his ass in Julie's face.

They don't call Julie "the Cat" for nothing. She slid quickly out from between of Guy and Connie, who were leaning in to kiss each other behind her back when Portman's ass got in the way. 

"What the...instead of Guy's lips, I get a mouthful of Portman's ass!" Connie coughed.

"EWWWW! Somebody get me some mouth wash!" Guy hollered.

"Hey, consider it a privilege, kids! It's not every day you get a face full of an ass as perfect as mine!" Portman laughed.

"Sure gives new meaning to the phrase 'kiss my ass,'" Kenny said, tears of mirth in his eyes.

"I don't get it," said Dwayne. "What's he saying, Russ?"

"Cowboy, if you hafta ask, it's really not worth it," Russ replied. The door bell rang at that moment.

"Food!" cried Goldberg.

"I'll get it," Adam got up to answer the door. Averman shot up and followed quickly.

His screams of "AHHHHH! VAMPIRE!!!" echoed through the Conway home. "We will not pay, you Agent of Death!" they heard Averman yelling.

"OWW!" they heard a new voice groan.

The next thing they heard was Averman saying, "Haha! Be gone Agent of Evil!"

They heard Banks trying desperately to apologize to whoever was injured by Averman. "I'm so sorry! He didn't take his medication this morning! Here's the money, keep the change!" and then the door slammed.

Adam tumbled into the room, the food in one hand, the other hand fending off Averman.

"STOP YOURSELF AVERMAN! IT'S FOOD FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Adam hollered as Fulton grabbed the bag of Chinese food and headed for the kitchen, with everyone else right behind him. 

Fulton began to set the food out, and Averman swiped at him, sending a bag full of duck sauce, spicy mustard, and soy sauce packets flying around the kitchen.

"Averman, chill!" Goldberg yelled.

Averman made one last lunge for the food, but missed and grabbed Julie's hair instead.

"Ouch!" she yelped, falling backwards on to Portman and Connie. 

Connie struggled to regain her balance, and Guy went to grab her. Instead of steadying Connie, Guy slipped on a soy sauce packet, squirting soy sauce all over Adam and Kenny, who were desperately trying to stay out of the way. In trying to avoid the soy sauce, they ran smack into each other, to then fall on to Goldberg and Russ. Dwayne tripped over Portman trying to avoid Russ, who was tripped up by Dwayne and hit Charlie. Charlie fell forward into Fulton who was holding open food. In the end, the only one still standing was Averman.

"Why are we nice to him?" Connie asked as she climbed to her feet.

"Because he's a decent right wing," Charlie said snidely, untangling himself from Fulton, Russ, and some sesame chicken.

Food was everywhere on the floor, but none on the table. After everyone had fallen all over and rolled around in it trying to get up, nobody really wanted to eat it.

"Dammit, Averman, I paid good money for that food!" Banks yelled.

"You can spare it," Averman said back calmly.  

Russ's boxers had become exposed in the fray.

"Hey, Russ, nice undies!" yelled Julie. The boxers had taxis on them.

"Taxis!" Connie giggled. "Vroom, vroom!"

"Beep beep!"

Connie and Julie were so hysterical they slipped and fell on the floor again, making them laugh even harder.

"How old were you when you got those, man? Six?" Kenny laughed. Russ grinned and didn't say anything. What was he supposed to say about boxers with taxis on them!?


	2. Burning Bounty

hmm…what can I ramble on about now? this story is a little off the wall but I'm having a good time writing. it'll probably be updated more often then not, along with my other story, cause summer is here. woohoo! this one might actually go quicker, cause for my other story I have to wait for approval cause 2 characters aren't mine, ya know how it is.

oh, and to Chelsea aka WeBuiltThisCityOnRockAndRoll- thanks for the kind review.

anyway, read and review for me! thanks!  
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**Chapter 2: Burning Bounty**

The Ducks began to help Charlie clean up his kitchen, but oddly enough, when they went to clean up the wanton soup, the paper towel caught fire.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!" yelled Luis, throwing the burning Bounty into the sink and turned on the water. "What the hell happened!?" 

"Definitely weird," Guy agreed.

When they tried to clean up the soup again, the next sheet of paper towel caught fire.

"What the hell is causing this!? If we're trying to clean up the soup with a paper towel again, somebody else is doing it! I've nearly burned up my hand twice now!" Luis yelled.

"Alright, what's going on?" Dwayne asked. "Russ?"

"Can't say I know, Cowboy, but I'm definitely beginning to support Averman's theory of haunted food and vampires and stuff."

"Beep! Beep!" Connie and Julie cracked up again.

"Kids, it's not that funny," said Adam in his best mother voice.

"Beep! Honk! Beep! VROOM!" said Julie and Adam started to laugh too.

"I know! I know! Let's use a mop!" Fulton said all excitedly and happily, jumping up and down, still looking at the puddle of soup on the floor.

"Dude, good idea, but don't wet yourself over it," Portman said.

"Like you should talk. Twenty minutes ago you were all excited cause Averman told you that you had a tight butt," Fulton said.

"That's different!" Portman exclaimed

"Riiight..." said Fulton, rolling his eyes

"Come dive in puddles with me," Kenny said randomly.

"Huh? Boy, that's a little...I dunno...odd?" Guy grinned.

"WHAT!? Averman is going on about poison and vampires that eat Chinese food and I'M the one that's odd!?" Kenny yelled.

"Calm down, Little Man. And when you put it like that, I guess not so much," Guy said thoughtfully.

"Don't call me Little Man."

"Yeah, because 5'5 and 128 pounds isn't little at all," Guy's voice was sarcastic.

"I'm taller than Connie and Julie."

"Excuse me, we're girls," Julie grinned.

"Oh, right...I forgot."

"YOU FORGOT!?" Connie yelled at Kenny, "HOW COULD YOU FORGET!? WE'VE ONLY GOT LONG HAIR, BOOBS AND WE GO OUT WITH GUYS! WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED TO REMEMBER!?"

"Relax, Sergeant Slaughter, relax. It's just sometimes, you two act all manly," Kenny grinned, pushing the girls tempers a little farther.

"We'll beat the ever-living crapola out of you, Little Man, so be quiet," Julie's voice was calm but deadly.

"See what I mean, threatening to beat up a guy? That's rather manly," Kenny caught them.

Connie and Julie just stood there looking furious. The guys just stood there laughing. The girls glared at them, and they immediately shut-up. There was a silence.

"So, beep, beep?" Charlie grinned. Everyone laughed.

"Hey, I've figured it out!"   

"Figured out what, Portman?" Russ asked, hoping to steer the conversation away from his taxi boxers.

"What cause the fires," Portman stopped dramatically. 

"Well, go on then," Luis said impatiently.

"Look, those fluorescent lights shines through this magnifying glass half off the edge of the table, and it burned the paper towels right up," Portman demonstrated what happened again.

"COOL! Can I try?" asked Averman.

"Trust you with fire? In my house? Yeah right, Averman," said Charlie.

"Please!"

"No."

"Please!"

"No." 

"Please!"

"WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, AVERMAN!? ARE YOU SOME KIND OF VAMPIRES WHO EAT CHINESE FEARING PYROMANIAC!?" Charlie yelled.

"A little." 

Charlie raised an eyebrow at Averman, daring him to say that again.

"Well you asked! I'm admitting it! I have a problem!"

"More than one, Averman, more than one," Charlie sighed.

"Get therapy," Adam suggested.

"Ya know, I've tried," said Averman as if this was a conversation he had daily. "But apparently pyromaniacs who fear vampires eating Chinese aren't common. In fact, the doctors think I might be the only one. But I'm sure there must be someone out there with my issues."

Adam's eyes widened. "Really?" he asked, his voice in disbelief, as if he knew many pyromaniacs who feared vampires eating Chinese.

"Yes, sadly, that is what I'm told."

"I'm sure there are more. There's got to be!"

Charlie finally lost his patience and yelled, "Adam, stop being an idiot! Averman, no fire for you! The rest of you, help me clean up this kitchen, NOW!"

So Averman's secrets were out, Connie and Julie were exposed as manly, and the Burning Bounty Mystery was solved. But once the Ducks finished cleaning up the kitchen, two mysteries remained.

"What are we going to eat for dinner?" Dwayne asked.

"What's the school meatloaf made out of?" asked Portman.

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DUN DUN DUN! The adventure continues next chapter, ladies and gentlemen. Stay tuned!


	3. Fire Extinguishing Frenzy

first off: Chelsea and C-Chan: thanks for the reviews! and Chelsea, I forgot to mention last time that the dominos thing was based on a real life experience I had! hehehe.

I like writing this story. it's fun to be random! anyway, here's chapter 3. and now, the adventure continues!  
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**Chapter 3: Fire Extinguishing Frenzy **

"Both are good questions, but no offense Portman, I'm a little more concerned with Dwayne's right now," Goldberg said.

"What!? You mean you _don't want to know what the school meatloaf is made out of?"_

"Not especially, no."

"Fine, but we'll see just how concerned you are when the school decides to serve meatloaf made from random parts of random animals," Portman said, with a 'you're-going-to-regret-this' look.

"Ugh, gross," Luis said.

"I agree, shut-up Portman," Guy said.

"Fine, be that way. You'll all come crawling back later, and I just won't accept your apology for being horribly wrong about meatloaf."

"We're willing to risk it," Russ grinned.

"So, back to what we're eating for dinner. What _are we eating for dinner?" asked Adam._

"Pizza!"

"Portman, cut it out!" Kenny yelled.

"I could crush you with my thumb, Little Man, be quiet," Portman threatened.  
"Yes sir," Kenny immediately shut-up.

"What other kinds of take out are there?" Charlie asked.

"Well, we could go to McDonald's," Julie suggested.

"I thought you and Connie don't want to get fat?" Fulton asked.

"We don't, but we're hungry," Connie said.

"That sounds good," said Portman.

Luis looked at Portman and said, "Dude, you're worried about what's in the school meatloaf, but you're not afraid to eat those chicken McNuggets? You need to sort out your priorities."

"What's in the McNuggets?" Portman asked.

"Who knows?" said Adam.

"Exactly my point," Luis said. 

After a minute of thinking about what may or may not be in McDonald's chicken McNuggets, the group decided McDonald's was not the right way to go.

"So McDonald's is out. What else?" Charlie asked.

"Ya know, we could try to cook," Averman suggested.

"Charlie said no fire for you, and this is a gas stove," Goldberg pointed out.

"Fine, YOU guys could try to cook, I'll do something not involving fire…like setting the table or cutting up vegetables."

"That means we trust you with a sharp knife. And I don't. Think again, my friend," Charlie said.

"Cooking's probably not a good idea anyway," Adam pointed out. "Remember what happened last time?"

"Quiet, Cake-Eater, I've tried to repress those memories," Russ said quickly, turning away in disgust.

"That was a terrible night," Julie said. "Way too many people trying to throw up in two bathrooms."

"That was really bad food poisoning," Guy said, "I couldn't eat chicken for weeks."

"Eat it? It took me a few weeks before I could look at it," groaned Luis.

"Well, we don't have to make chicken, we could make a big salad or something," Averman put in helpfully.

"Maybe," said Charlie. "We have vegetables in the refrigerator."

"But we have to put garlic in it," Averman said.

"Why?" asked Connie.

"Because garlic wards off vampires."  
"Not the vampires again…"groaned Charlie.

"Yes! Vampires!" Averman yelled at Charlie.

"Averman, they're not real!" Charlie yelled back.

"They're real! Very real! Are you crazy?" Averman lowered his voice dramatically to ask Charlie this.

"Are you?" Charlie asked. "I think you might be."

"Shut your pie hole, Captain Non-Believer. Just cause you don't think they're there doesn't mean they're not," Averman said.

"Fine, Averman. There are vampires everywhere. They're all over. They can be warded off with garlic and crosses, destroyed by stabbing them with wood stakes, and destroyed if you drag their coffins into sunlight. Now back to what we're eating for dinner," Charlie said, in a sarcastic but defeated voice.

"Wow, Charlie, you sure know a lot about vampires," Averman said in an admiring tone.

"So, dinner," Charlie said ignoring Averman, "How does salad sound to you all?"

"Salad? That's it?" whined Guy.

"If you've got a better idea, spit it out, Germaine," said Adam, "Cause I'm hungry."

"Let's at least make bread too," Guy said.

"We have those frozen Pillsbury dinner rolls, how about those?" asked Charlie looking in the freezer. 

"Those are good! I love those!" Connie said excitedly.

"I like them too," said Russ and Luis together, then they grinned like idiots.

"We could cook macaroni," Julie suggested.

"Good idea! That'll be really good!" said Goldberg.

So Charlie gave everyone something to do, and the group went along making their frozen Pillsbury dinner rolls and macaroni and cutting up vegetables. 

"So Charlie," Averman said, putting the dinner rolls on a tray and sticking them in the oven he preheated, "What else do you know about vampires?"

"They suck blood."  
"And?"

"They can't be exposed to sunlight," Charlie sounded slightly irritated now.

"And?" 

"They're not living and they're not dead," Charlie sounded annoyed now.  
"And?"  
"They can be killed by silver bullets."

"That's werewolves."  
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHO CARES, AVERMAN?"

"Fine, but when you're faced with a real vampire, don't say I didn't warn you," Averman said in his 'I'm-Superior' voice.

Charlie rolled his eyes and took a deep breath…and smelled something burning. He glanced at the oven.

"OH SHIT!"

Black smoke was coming out of the oven, and the dinner rolls were on obviously fire!

"FIRE! EVERYONE GET THE HELL OUT!" Charlie bellowed at his friends. There was a mad dash to the door with Portman leading the way.

"Oooh, it's beautiful," Averman said, walking as if possessed, towards the oven.

"OUT AVERMAN!" Charlie hollered. Fulton grabbed Averman and threw him out of the kitchen, toward the front door.

While Charlie wrestled with a fire extinguisher from in the closet, the others waited anxiously on the front lawn. 

Finally, after about 10 minutes, Charlie came out covered in white stuff and said, "Fire's out now."

"How'd the dinner rolls catch fire?" Guy asked.

"Well, it wasn't a magnifying glass," Charlie glared at Averman, his voice angry. "Instead of being set to 350 degrees, the oven was set to 3,500 degrees. I wonder how that happened?" 

"Ooops, sorry Charlie," Averman grinned.

They went back into the kitchen to find everything covered in fire extinguisher white crap…including the salad they had finished. The macaroni pot was covered, but the macaroni had been in the boiling water so wrong it was all congealed and gross.

"What the hell did you do, Charlie?" Fulton asked. "You were supposed to spray the fire, not the whole kitchen."

"The fire extinguisher blasted me off my feet, and everything got covered. Then when I tried to stand up, I lost control of the hose thing, it went friggen psycho, and it covered everything in this white junk."

"Way to go, Charlie, now we've got nothing to eat," said Kenny.

"Well, I could have used some help! That thing was huge and everybody raced out the front door, except for Averman, who had to be thrown out. I could have used some help from somebody big and manly," he glared at Portman, then at Connie and Julie, "To hold the fire extinguisher while I aimed the hose thing!"

"What are you implying?" Connie asked, but Julie just shook her head.

"Sorry, Charlie. Unlike Averman, touching flames isn't on my things I want to do before I die list," said Portman.

The Ducks again began to clean up the kitchen. When they finished, everything was clean and fire free.

"I'm still hungry," said Russ.

"Join the club," said Luis.

"What are we going to do now?" asked Dwayne.

"I don't know," said Adam.

After a few minutes of silence, Goldberg finally asked, "Anybody got any ideas?"

Portman opened his mouth.

"That is NOT pizza?" Goldberg added.

Everyone shook their heads. Hungry and a little tired, the Ducks weren't sure what they were going to do. 

Damn, dinner could be a tricky thing.


	4. A Group Hug, Kissing Couples, and the Fi...

what's up everyone! thanks for the reviews, I love writing this, it's so random. here's chapter 4!

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**Chapter 4: A Group Hug, Kissing Couples, and the Fire Extinguisher**

"Well, what are we going to do now?" Julie asked.

"We could go to KFC," Charlie suggested.

"No more chicken, remember?" Luis said.

"Hey, they actually KNOW how to cook their chicken, unlike us, who guess and end up spending the night at Guy's throwing up!" Charlie yelled.

Fulton spoke up. "Children, children, calm yourselves. Let's not let this hunger go to our heads! Let's rationally figure out what we're going to do-"

"Oh, blow it out your diddy bag!" Kenny yelled.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH WU, OR I'LL FLICK YOU ACROSS THE ROOM!" Fulton yelled. Kenny's eyes widened in surprise as slowly he backed away from Fulton.

"Sorry, dude, didn't mean it, I guess I'm not quite sane right now," Fulton said. 

"That's ok, man, we're all on edge."

"Oh, Kenny, thanks for being so understanding!" Fulton said in a weepy voice, crossing the room in about four strides and gripping Kenny in a bear hug.

Portman runs over and throws his arms around Fulton and Kenny. "Oh I can't stand when my fellow Bash Brothers fight!"

"Isn't this sweet?" said Connie in a very girly voice.

"A little," says Guy.

"You don't think it's cute?" Connie asked him.

"Yeah, it's cute, and just a tad bit gay," said Guy.

"Group hug!" Dwayne yells. Everyone just looks at him. "What?" he asks honestly.

"What the hell? Why not?" asks Julie going over to join the Big and Little Bash Brothers in a hug. Connie and Dwayne follow, and soon after a moment of staring, Charlie, Adam, Guy, Russ, Averman, and Goldberg wander over to the group as well.

"You guys are nuts," Luis said.

"Come on Mendoza, you know you love us!" Adam yells.

"Not that much!"

"Oh yes, you do! Guy, help me!" Adam and Guy grab Luis and force him into the group hug.

"Eh, what the hell, you guys aren't so bad," Luis admits, grinning.

Just then a bat flies by the window as darkness is setting.

 "AHHHH! VAMPIRE! VAMPIRE!" Averman yelled, and the whole group topples over on to the floor. 

Averman pulled himself out of the pile and ran over to the window, sticking his face to the glass and staring vigilantly out into the on coming night.

"I think I've broken something," Russ said, moaning.

"Good Lord, what the hell did I land on?" Charlie asks rubbing his back.

"My foot!" Adam yelped. "My foot! You're breaking my foot! Get off me, Charlie!"

"Oh! Sorry buddy," Charlie got up and then helped Adam to his feet.

"Between my wrist and my foot, I'll never make the NHL," Adam complained.

"Shut-up, you're fine," Charlie said.

"This is kind of how we were before Bombay," Guy said as pulled himself out from under Fulton. "A group of kids falling all over each other on the ice."

"Yeah, but then we sucked at skating, now we suck at standing still. We're going backwards," Connie said, climbing off the floor.

"Averman would always knock us down. And he did this time, too. Averman, what the hell did you do that for?" Goldberg asked.

"Vampires!" Averman said, his face still stuck to the window.

"Would you chill with the vampires? You've nearly gotten us killed three times today!" Kenny said rubbing the back of his head. Under his breath he muttered, "Being a vampire has got to be less painful than this. . ."

Portman and Julie were still lying on the floor. 

"Portman, do you mind getting the hell off? You're crushing my uterus." Portman didn't say anything. He just looked at her. "Portman, get off, you're-"

But what he was, the rest of the group never found out. He planted his mouth firmly on hers, and the two of them just stayed on the floor. Everyone just stood watching them.

"About friggen time, too," Fulton said.

"What do you mean?" Russ asked.

"He's had a thing for her for ages, he told me all the time," Fulton explained.

"She likes him, I read her diary, she really likes him," Connie said. Everyone turns to look at Connie. "I didn't KNOW it was her diary. I thought it was the Diary of Anne Frank. I needed a copy for school and she told me it was on the table. I picked up the wrong book."

"CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO DINNER BEFORE I COLLAPSE!?" Guy yelled.

"What are we gonna do?" Adam whined, "Charlie!"

"What is everyone looking at me for?" Charlie whined back.

"You're the captain, you're supposed to know everything," Dwayne said.

"Applebee's," Luis murmured.

"What?" Guy asked.

"Applebee's," Luis said a little bit louder.

"What?" Guy asked again.

"APPLEBEE'S!" Luis hollered. "LET'S GO TO APPLEBEE'S BEFORE WE ALL STARVE TO DEATH!"

"Sounds like a plan, and we can all get something we like," Goldberg said.

"Let's go, it's a good idea, they have good food…AVERMAN GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!" Charlie yelled.

"Huh? What?" Averman tore his face away from the window.

"We're going to Applebee's. Want to come? To get something to eat? Cause we're all hungry?" Charlie said, rather patiently.

"Yes, but I'm not going out without wearing garlic."

"What? Why?" Charlie looked bewildered.

"Vampires."

"Oh, I should have known," Charlie didn't have the energy to argue. "Get your garlic and let's go before we die of hunger, ok?" Averman scrambled off to the refrigerator to grab some garlic.

Everyone had started walking out the door when Russ said, "We forgot Portman and Julie."

"I'll get them," Dwayne said.

They waited on the front steps for a few minutes, but when nothing happened they went back inside. They wandered in just in time to see Dwayne spray the kissing couple with the fire extinguisher. Julie and Portman both looked shocked.

"Dwayne, what did you do that for?" Julie asked.

"Well y'all didn't respond to me yelling, or poking you, so I decided that this here fire extinguisher was the only way to get your attention."

"Whatever," Portman said brushing the white stuff off of him, "What are we doing?"

"We're going to Applebee's before we all die of hunger," Charlie said.

"Hunger? HUNGER!? I WAS PAST HUNGER AN HOUR AGO! NOW I'M WAY INTO THE REALM OF STARVATION!" Guy yelled. He rarely got so upset, and Connie calmed him by kissing him. Dwayne pointed the fire extinguisher at them.

"No! Don't! Dwayne, no!" Connie yelled, jumping away from Guy.

"Let's go," Adam said, just walking toward the door. Everyone followed, Portman and Julie still shaking off white stuff.

Finally, they were on their way.


	5. OoOpS!

hmm, that being said, I would like to add that I truly enjoyed writing this chapter. I was laughing as I did it cause I could see everyone's faces.  
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**Chapter 5: Ooops**

When the Ducks showed up at the restaurant, they were not surprised to find it full of kids from school. Apparently, many high school kids didn't know how to cook. 

The hostess told them there would be an hour wait for a table with 13 people at it.

"An hour? AN HOUR!? What is this? Sarcasm from God?" Julie asked, holding Portman's hand. Tears were forming in her eyes. Wiping them away, all she said was, "This sucks."

"Should we wait around or go some place else?" asked Goldberg, falling on to a bench outside the restaurant. "We've just walked 3 miles to get here, I'm hungry AND tired now."

"I'm going to die, I don't have the energy to walk anymore," Guy whined.

"Yeah, let's just wait…Averman why did you have to wear all that garlic? You're stinking up the place," Luis asked.

"I'm the only one of you that's safe from vampires," Averman responded

"Averman," Adam coughed, "You smell enough to protect all of us from vampires."

"There are no vampires in a 6 mile radius, at least. This smells terrible," Charlie said.

"Cut it out, just stop talking," said Portman, still holding hands with Julie. "I don't want to hear this anymore."

What Portman says goes, so everyone stopped talking. Instead, Charlie and Averman took to pinching each other back and forth over Fulton. That finally stopped when Fulton stood up and threatened to break all their fingers if they continued.

About half hour later, their little buzzy thing that told them a table was available went off.

"Oooh! It looks like fireflies! Guy look," Connie said, who was holding the thing and watching it light up.

"Huh? What?" Guy has fallen asleep on Connie's shoulder. "Oh! Yeah, it's kind of pretty...hey that means there's a table!" he said, coming to his senses. "Let's go everybody, come on!"

As they were walking in, they saw the Varsity team they had beaten the previous school year sitting on one side of the restaurant. The Varsity team saw them, but didn't say anything. They threw the Ducks dirty looks, but didn't say anything. The Ducks just grinned. The Varsity hadn't really given the Ducks a hard time after the Ducks had won the Varsity/JV showdown. The rest of the school had give Riley and Cole and the other a hard time though. Apparently losing a hockey game to a bunch of 14 year old freshman, with two smaller girls on their team, is more shameful than wetting yourself in public.

As the Ducks sat down, the Varsity got up and left. 

"We own them, and it kicks ass," said Kenny.

"Yeah, it does," said Charlie, a dreamy look on his face.

"Let's not kid ourselves here, we trained and trained, it was a tie, until we were lucky enough get a break, we had to work hard for that win," Julie said.

"True, but it's still fantastic that we won," said Connie, grinning.

"I think it was a fantastic effort by me, Greg Goldberg," said Goldberg.

"Oh yeah, right, Julie and Banks had nothing to do with it," Portman said, rolling his eyes. "They both made major saves."  
"It was a team effort," said Russ. "We were pretty damn good that night."

Everyone ordered something to eat. Charlie ordered chicken strips, and poor Luis nearly threw up at the thought.

"What's the matter Mendoza? Haven't recovered from last time?" Charlie asked, grinning.

"No, I haven't, actually. That was the worst night..."

The waitress came with drinks. Averman, forgetting about vampires for a moment, stuck two straws up his nose and made walrus noises. Charlie, who had been drinking coke at the time, laughed, and spit coke all over the place. 

"UGH!" Connie jumped up and her chair went flying backwards, hitting some poor guy who just happened to be passing by.

"Ooops! Sorry!" she cried, "Let me help you-" but she had been holding her coke, and she tripped over her chair, spilling the sticky liquid all over the man lying on the floor. "Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to-"

She pulled out a handkerchief from her purse and tried to mop off the guy's face, but ended up poking him in the eye. He yelped. Guy got up to help, but he slipped on some coke on the floor, falling hard on to the man's stomach.

"Oww!" he groaned.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!" Guy sputtered. He tried to get up, but, "OOOPS!" he fell onto the man again.

"Here, let me help you up-" Goldberg got up to offer a hand, tripped over Guy, and landed hard on the man's crotch.

"OWWWW!" he screamed in pain.

"Ooops! Sorry!" Goldberg said, moving away quickly.

The whole restaurant was watching now, intrigued by these kids who were accidentally causing this man all sorts of bodily harm.

Fulton got to his feet. "Here, sir, let me help-" but the man jumped off the floor, still clutching his crotch area. His eye was red from where Connie poked it, and he was gasping slightly, probably from where Guy knocked the wind out of him.

"NO, NO! It's alright, you've all done enough!" he turned and practically ran away.

Connie, Guy, and Goldberg got up and settled themselves again, ignoring everyone staring at them, pretending nothing had happened. 

"Ooops," said Connie, giving a guilty smile. The manager came over and told them that if they disturbed the entire place like that again, they would have to leave.

After about 20 minutes, Portman, slightly smirking, said "You know what I've always wanted to do?"

"What?" asked Dwayne.

"Trip a waiter," Portman said, eyeing a guy coming toward them with a full tray of drinks and food.

"Portman, don't-" Adam started, but it was too late.

"Take cover!" Fulton hollered as the poor guy with the tray and everything on it went flying.  

The Ducks threw themselves under the table, and crashes were heard and people around them were yelling. When the loud noise finally stopped, and the Ducks finally looked up from under the table, everything around them was upturned. There was food and drink everywhere, people were covered in it. Somehow, four tables had been knocked over, there was broken glass and plates everywhere, and there were several people lying on the floor. Almost everyone was staring at Portman.

"Ooops," said Portman. Julie elbowed him hard in the side.

"You idiot, you're going to get us thrown out!" she hissed.

Everyone looked horrified at the thought of being thrown out. That means they would have to find another idea for dinner. And naturally-

"OUT! OUT! ALL OF YOU GET OUT! NOW!" the manager yelled at them.

"NOW what are we going to do?" whined Kenny as the group headed toward the door with the entire restaurant staring at them and muttering angrily.

"I'll show you what I'm going to do," Russ growled. He walked up behind Portman and whacked him in the back of the head.

Everyone took turns hitting Portman on the way out.


	6. WoOf!

hey everyone! forgive me if this chapter isn't funny, I'm suffering from lack of sleep, so right now I think EVERYTHING is funny.

btw, Chelsea, I finally got around to reading Toilet Ring of Oz. so random, so confusing, so totally kick ass. thanks for recommending it!  
a few more notes: this chapter is longer than the previous ones (so pee before you start reading), and it's not really focused on dinner, but more on friends and how they REALLY sucked.

…and I think that's it now…so on with the show! the adventure continues with chapter 6!  
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**Chapter 6: Woof**

The Ducks wandered the streets of Minneapolis for the next hour and a half. Averman had stopped talking about vampires. He was still wearing his garlic, but between hunger, fatigue, and the terrible smell, it was taking him everything he had not to pass out. Russ and Goldberg were leaning on each other to keep from falling over. Charlie was walking next to Fulton. They seemed to be taking turns nodding off while they were walking, and taking turns waking each other up. Guy was practically carrying Connie, while Adam and Dwayne were dragging Kenny along. Luis followed behind them, and Portman and Julie brought up the rear.

Portman was covered in marks and bruises where everyone had hit him. They hadn't gone easy on him, because it was his fault that, as Russ had said earlier, "everyone was going to die." Portman, however, was still clutching Julie's hand.

"Would you two quit holding hands? You're worse than Connie and Guy," said Luis irritably. 

"What's wrong with holding hands, Mendoza? Besides you've done much worse in public," Portman snapped. "I seem to recall a certain blond cheerleader and a rather big mud hole…"

"We didn't do anything, besides, I only did that once," Luis defended himself.

"Yeah, because the cops said they'd arrest you if they ever caught you doing it again," Portman sniggered.

"Yeah? At least I wasn't suspended from the team for a week for chewing tobacco!" Luis spit back at Portman angrily.

"That wasn't Portman, that was me," Fulton said, "And I didn't know it was tobacco."  
"What did you think it was, dipshit? Candy?" Luis snapped.

"Drop it, Luis," said Charlie sharply. Fulton opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, Charlie said, "You too, Fulton."

"Why should we take orders from you?" Luis asked angrily.

"Yeah, why should we?" Fulton said, looking at Luis.

"What? You guys are buddies now?" Charlie asked angrily. "Wanna know why you take orders from me? Cause I'm captain, that's why. And if you don't like it, you can go hug a landmine."

"All of you, would you just shut-up? I'm trying to think here," said Averman.

"For the first time ever," Goldberg snapped.

"Quiet, Tubby," Averman spit back.

"Both of you just shut the hell up," Connie said.

"Why don't you close your mouth, Connie? Oh right, cause you've got Guy's dick shoved too far down your throat!" Goldberg yelled.

Connie stared angrily for a minute. Then her face fell and tears flowed out of her eyes. Julie let go of Portman's hand, and went over to Connie and hugged her. 

"Look what you've done! Say it again, Goldberg, I dare you," Guy spoke up, his temper and his voice rising.

"I think you heard me the first time," sniggered Goldberg.

It was quick. It was very quick. Guy had tackled Goldberg faster than Julie was between the goal posts. Fists were flying, and the rest of the Ducks stood watching and yelling. Some were cheering for Guy, others for Goldberg, some were yelling at each other, a few were looking around nervously for cops, and Adam was trying to break it up. 

When Goldberg and Guy both yelled, "STAY OUT OF THIS, BANKS!" Adam had finally had enough. Throwing caution to the wind, he threw himself down on to the pile. Using his legs, he put a knee on Goldberg's chest, and a knee on Guy's. With both of them now lying flat on their backs, Adam put one hand around each of their throats.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU TWO!? YOU'RE FRIENDS, REMEMBER!? NOW QUIT BEING JACKASSES, GET THE HELL UP, AND APOLOGIZE FOR BEING COMPLETE AND TOTAL ASSHOLES!" Adam yelled all this very loud. People around them were staring. It was only 10 PM, so many people were still out. The rest of the Ducks were staring. Nobody had ever seen Banksie freak out like this before.

Adam got off Guy and Goldberg and pulled each of them up off the ground by their shirts. For a thin guy, he was strong. "Well, what are you waiting for? Apologize," he said.

Looking rather angrily for a moment at Adam and Goldberg, Guy's face finally softened, and in a quiet voice said, "I'm sorry, Goldberg." He put out his hand for Goldberg to shake.

Goldberg took it, and said, "Yeah, I'm sorry too, Guy…and I'm sorry to you too, Connie, I didn't mean what I said." 

"It's alright, Goldberg," Connie said with a smile, giving him a hug. 

"What about the rest of you?" Adam barked to the rest of the Ducks.

The rest of them looked around, all annoyed at Adam for being so demanding for the first time in his life. How dare Adam demand anything from his friends? Finally, Luis said, "I'm sorry, Portman. I'm sorry, Fulton. I didn't mean what I said either. I'm just so hungry." He flopped down onto the grass. They were at the edge of the park.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too, Mendoza," Portman said.

"And me," said Fulton.

Averman went over to Goldberg, and throwing his arms around Goldberg in a hug, he wailed in between fake sobs, "I'm so sorry Goldberg!"

"Ok, Averman, now get hell off me."

"You don't still think I'm gay, do you?"

"No. But you smell God awful," Goldberg said, trying not to gag.

"Hey, look where we are!" Averman said suddenly pointing, releasing Goldberg. He got up and ran to where he had been pointing.

It was a pond. Julie, Portman, Luis, Russ, Dwayne, and Kenny all looked confused. But the others looked excited, and followed Averman down to the water. The confused Ducks soon followed. 

"It's a pond," said Portman. "So what?"

"It's not just a pond. It's THE pond," said Charlie looking like he had been morally offended.

"It's the pond we discovered hockey on. It's the pond we first became a team on. And most importantly, it's the pond we became friends on." Connie said dramatically. "Well, not Adam, but he knows the story, and he's almost an original Duck," she added, smiling at him.

"Yeah," Guy sighed. "Remember when we used to play here, with old copies of the Enquirer taped to our shins?"

"Yeah! And I was afraid of the puck?" Goldberg laughed.

"And I couldn't skate?" said Fulton

"And I had pink skates? And Charlie was a spazway?" Connie said, and she and Charlie both laughed.

"And I couldn't puck handle?" laughed Averman.

"We really sucked," Guy laughed. "We REALLY sucked."

"Yeah, you did," Adam grinned.

"Ah shut-up, Hawk. Putting on a Ducks jersey doesn't mean you're a real Duck," Guy said playfully, echoing Jesse's words from years ago. Jesse hadn't gone to Eden Hall. He decided he didn't want to play competitive hockey anymore, so he went to public school instead.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME, GERMAINE!?" Adam yelled.

"Yell a little louder, Adam. I don't think they heard you in Guam. You don't do enough yelling, you know. Look at us! We deserve to be yelled at. And I know you're a Duck now. But you were a Hawk then. And you're right. We REALLY sucked," said Guy, still laughing.

Speaking to Julie, Portman, Russ, Luis, Dwayne, and Kenny, Charlie gestured out to the pond. "This will always be home ice."

"Being here at the pond, with you guys makes me not afraid of vampires anymore," said Averman.

"So what are you going to do?" Dwayne asked.

"I'll show you!" Averman tore his garlic necklace off and threw it into the water. Everyone cheered.

The Ducks, old and new, sat on the grassy bank of THE pond...except for Portman who had gone to lie down on a bench a couple feet away. Their hunger could wait for a while, even if the did feel like they were going to die. Right now, they were just remembering the good times of the past. For a few minutes, there was silence.

Then, out of nowhere, Kenny said, "Woof."

"What?" said Charlie.

"Woof," said Kenny.

"What?" asked Russ. The confusion was building.

"WOOF!" said Kenny again.

"Huh?" Dwayne looked confused.

"WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!" Kenny continued woofing.

"What the hell is going on?" asked Guy

"I think the Little Bash Brother has lost it," said Connie.

"WOOF! WOOF!"

"Tell me," said Fulton conversationally, pulling out his cell phone, "Does anyone know offhand if 911 is the right number for a straight-jacket?" (Author's Note: I stole that joke from a television show.)

Then, suddenly, Adam started woofing along with Kenny.

"Our best player is going to the mental ward," said Charlie, looking at Adam.

"WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!" Kenny and Adam went on.

"Are you guys alright?" Portman asked, his eyes were closed, and he was still lying on a bench.

Kenny got up, stood over to Portman and stared right in his face. Their faces were only inches apart, and Portman still hadn't opened his eyes. Kenny was silent for a moment. Then-

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Portman eyes shot open and he fell off the bench.

There was wild laughter as Portman chased the barking Kenny around. Suddenly Kenny tripped over something and didn't move. Portman stopped running.

"Uh, guys," he called to the other Ducks, who rushed over.

"Oh my God! You killed Kenny!" said Russ, meaning what had come out of his mouth. Then thinking about what he had said for a moment, everyone cracked up again.

Kenny opened his eyes and laughed. "No, you didn't...woof," he added, grinning.

"Yeah, woof, we thought you were dead!" Julie said, her face was pale.

"I'm not dead. You think I'd die from tripping over a rock? You worry too much, Julie."

"I worry too much? Well you know what, Kenny?"  
"What?"

"Woof!" she said, grinning.

"Yeah. Woof!" said Connie, joining in.

"Woof," said Guy.

"WOOF!" yelled Portman.

Pretty soon, everybody was woofing. 

"Hey, Ducks don't bark! Ducks are supposed to quack!" said a familiar voice from behind them.

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how was it? it was a bit mushy and corny, but not too bad, I hope. the woof joke comes from an inside joke between me and my friends, and remembering it is SOOO hilarious. to you guys, I hope it's random and funny, but like I said before, I've gotten no sleep recently, and everything is a complete riot to me right now. hit the review button.


	7. The Ghost of Detentions Past

hmm. . .I don't know how funny this chapter is. I really don't. I'm so bad at judging myself. hehehe. I do know it's kinda long though, so pee before you start reading. but I did manage to keep it reasonably clean. yay for me! read and review for me, kids, please.  
by the way, everyone, thanks for reviewing the previous chapters! Cimmy, I'm glad you liked it.

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**Chapter 7: The Ghost of Detentions Past**

The barking Ducks spun around, and to their great surprise, under the park lights, they saw-

"Peter!" Connie exclaimed. She jumped up, ran over and threw her arms around his neck in a hug. Peter was much taller now, but still wore his jeans, his boots, and his white t-shirt in the summer. He probably still wore a leather jacket in the winter.

"Easy, Connie, easy," he grinned, hugging her back.

"What are you doing here!?" Charlie asked, coming to join them.

"I live around here. Come on, Spazway, you should know that," Peter said, grinning.

"No, I mean, what are you doing here, at the pond, right now?" Charlie rephrased his question as the others came to join him, Connie, and Peter.

"I was walking home and I heard people barking. I thought it was a bunch of kids and I was gonna tell them to shut their mouths, but I looked closer and I saw-" he pointed to Goldberg, who now had Averman standing on his shoulders. "The pair of them are kind of hard to miss."

"Yeah, I kinda see what you mean," said Charlie in an understanding voice.

"What are you saying about us?" Goldberg tried to step forward up the hill of the bank at the same exact moment Averman tried to get down, and both of them toppled backward, rolling head over heals and coming to a rest right at the edge of the water.

"OUCH!" Goldberg was yelling. "AVERMAN! GET OFF MY FACE!"

"GET YOUR ELBOW OUT OF MY ASS AND I WILL!"

"What the hell were you trying to do!? That's three times you've knocked us down today!" Goldberg yelled to Averman.

"Me? ME!? Why the hell are you trying to walk up a hill with me on your shoulders without telling me!?

The bickering continued until they got to Peter, Charlie, and Connie at the top of the hill. 

"What's up Peter?" Averman and Peter shook hands.

"Nothing, what were you guys doing down there?"

"We're the amazing barking freaks," said Goldberg, also shaking Peter's hand.

"Who are these people?" Peter nodded toward Julie, Russ, Portman, Luis, Dwayne, and Kenny.

"They joined us when we played in the Junior Goodwill Games. These are the kids who replaced you, Karp, the Duncan kids, and Terry," said Guy. "It's good to see you, Peter," he added, grinning and also reaching out to shake Peter's hand.

"Yeah Germaine, I know they joined you, but which one's which? The Goodwill Games were a long time ago. Actually, I can guess which one's Julie Gaffney," Peter said, smiling in her direction.

"See," Julie said to Kenny, "I'm not manly. If I was, he wouldn't be able to tell me from you."

"You're manly, Sonny-Jim," Kenny said, "Trust me."

"You twerp-"

"The one that's about to get the shit kicked out of him is Kenny Wu, the former Olympic Figure Skater," Adam said. "The big one is one of the two Bash Brothers, Dean Portman. You already know Fulton, the other Bash Brother. The Hispanic speedster is Luis Mendoza, the one with the cowboy hat is from Texas. He's the great puck handler, Dwayne Robertson. That guy's got a weapon called a knuckle-puck, and he's from South Central Los Angeles. He took my spot for a few weeks during the Goodwill Games when I couldn't play. His name is Russ Tyler."

"Everyone, this is Peter Marks. He was an original Duck," Charlie said.

"Yeah, way back when," Peter said, grinning as he shook the hands of the Ducks he'd never met before.

After the introductions and the small talk had been made, Peter finally asked, "Why were you all barking before?"

"Oh, Kenny started that," said Dwayne.

"Why?" 

"Because," said Kenny, "It was a love filled, emotional moment. It went on for some time. Well, I couldn't let THAT continue. So I did something random and obnoxious."

"Oh, sounds just like something I would have done," Peter said, grinning. 

"What, and you're so mature now?" Guy grinned devilishly.

"Well no, but I figured I could have fooled you...you've been away long enough," Peter's voice was bitter during the last part.

"Oh come on, Peter, you know we've been busy at school and stuff," Charlie protested.

"So busy you don't even call your old buddies? Thanks a bunch," Peter snapped.

"Come off it," said Adam, "You know that's not how it is." 

"Yeah, fine, whatever. Let's just drop it. What are you all doing here?" Peter asked, wanting to change the subject. It hurt him that his old buddies made new friends and the good times they had shared back in District 5 were so long gone.

"Trying to eat dinner," said Portman.

"Huh?"

"Dinner. We've gone through a series of attempts at food, but we just don't seem destined to eat tonight," said Russ. "We're all going to die."

"What do you mean when you say a series of attempts?"

"Well, I mean vampires eating Chinese, Averman nearly burning Charlie's kitchen down, and a disaster at Applebees," said Russ.

"What kind of disaster?"

"Well, Connie, Guy, and Goldberg nearly killed a man. That got us a warning from the Management. Then, Portman tripped a waiter. We all ducked under the table, and when we came up to survey the damage, some how the entire restaurant was in shambles. That's when the Management's collective foot kicked our collective ass out the door," Fulton explained, grinning.

It took Peter a long time to stop laughing.

"What is this? A Cake-Eaters convention?" said a new voice.

"Jesse!" Charlie said excitedly. He didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

"I'm a Cake-Eater now?" Peter turned to look at Jesse.

"Well, it's a bunch of Cake-Eaters, plus Peter," smiled Jesse as he greeted them on the bank. "Visiting the pond, huh?"  
There was a rumble of "yeah" and "yes".

"I can't believe you're all here," said Jesse. "It's been almost a year since I've seen you all...minus Peter."

"Happy to see us?" Adam grinned.

"Yeah, Cake-Eater, I'm happy to see you. Hell, I've even missed you."

"What are you doing here?" Julie asked.

"I don't know. I got here kind of without meaning to. I was just walking and I ended up here."

"Sort of like all of us," said Charlie.

"Well, not exactly like us," Luis said. "We're looking for something to eat."

"Well, you're looking in the wrong place, unless you want to eat chemically altered fish," said Peter.

"I'll take you all some place good to eat," said Jesse.

"Really? Where?" asked Goldberg.

"This little place that just opened up. It's called Patty's Pizza," said Jesse. 

"Pizza?" said Portman smiling happily.

"Ugh," said Kenny.

"It's better than nothing," said Dwayne. "If we don't eat something soon, we're going to die."

"I agree," said Russ. "I've had enough of this wandering around stupidly and burning up dinner rolls and waiters that we nearly kill."

"I'm up for pizza," said Connie.

"What? Not afraid to get fat anymore?" sniggered Averman.

"Bite me," Connie said, smiling her sweetest smile at Averman.

Averman bit Connie.

"Averman, you ass!" said Guy angrily. "Are you turning into one of those vampires you're so afraid of? She's gonna need a rabies shot now! What did you do that for?"

"I'm not a vampire! And she told me to!" Averman exclaimed.

Guy looked exasperated. "It's an expression! If someone told you to jump off a bridge, would you!?" 

"I wish he would," Connie said angrily.

"This pizza place, is it open at this hour? It must be around 10:30 now," Fulton said.

"It should be. It's supposed to be a 24 hour thing."

"Let's go then," said Julie. 

As Jesse led the way to the all night pizza parlor in downtown Minneapolis, Dwayne looked around and said, "Y'all I'm so happy we're going to get food. I could sing." 

And that's exactly what Dwayne did. 

"Well, shake it up baby now   
Twist and shout   
Come on, come on, come on, come on baby now   
Come on and work it on out   
Well work it on out, honey   
You know you look so good   
You know you got me goin' now   
Just like I know you would..."

Everyone joined in on the next verse. It was just a group of crazy teenagers, singing an old dance song, walking down the street. 

"Well, shake it up baby now   
Twist and shout   
Come on, come on, come, come on baby now   
Come on and work it on out   
You know you twist, little girl   
You know you twist so fine   
Come on and twist a little closer now   
And let me know that you're mine, woo..."

They were getting ready to sing the last verse, but they never got to.

"YOU DAMN KIDS! IT'S 10:30 IN THE EVENING! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP, OU ANNOYING LITTLE BRATS, OR I'LL CALL THE POLICE!" hollered a strangely deep feminine voice.

"I don't bloody believe it," said Charlie.

"Neither do I," said Guy. "It's like seeing the ghost of detentions past."

"I didn't know she lived in this area," said Goldberg.

"What made you think she didn't? She worked at our school," said Connie in a 'you're an idiot, that was obvious' voice.

It was their old elementary school principal, Ms. Watson, who had put them in detention for quacking nearly 6 years before.

"Ugh, bad memories. My hand was cramped for weeks," said Peter, making a face of disgust and flexing his hand.

"What the hell are you all talking about?" asked Portman, Luis, and Kenny at the same time. Nobody answered them.

"Maybe we should be quiet," Fulton suggested.

"Hmm…" Averman said, looking at Jesse. "Should we be quiet or do something else first?"

"We will be quiet, but we have something to say first," Jesse grinned.

Not wanting to be arrested before they could get their hands on some food, the Ducks shut-up...but their old principal did eventually know which annoying little brats were walking by her window singing. You see, the old Ducks told the new Ducks the story of their day in detention and who that woman was. With that day in mind, the Ducks DID eventually shut-up…but not before they had quacked at her.

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I should mention that the lyrics Dwayne and the Ducks sang were from "Twist and Shout" by the Beatles.  
  



	8. The Fun Part aka But So What?

hey all! what's up? thanks for the reviews!

way2cute4words- Portman and Julie are still going on, they're just not being focused on because everyone is dying of starvation.

anyway, here's chapter 8! when you're done reading, hit the review button.

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**Chapter 8: The Fun Part aka But So What?**

The 15 Ducks, old, new, and former, all collapsed into chairs around a big table. They finally made it to Patty's Pizza. 

Sure, they had to run from the cops Ms. Watson had called after they quacked at her. So what? Sure, Guy got stuck on the barbed wire fence they had to jump over. But so what? So in the dark alley the cut through Averman ran face first into a brick wall. But so what? Ok, so Kenny fell into a huge, water filled pot hole running up the street. But so what? Alright, so the traffic light and the walk/do not walk light weren't in sync so when they stepped out into a busy intersection they nearly got nailed by a huge truck with 18 wheels. But so what? So Connie nearly killed herself by tripping down a flight of stone stairs as they ran through the park. But so what? So maybe Portman hit his head on a thick, low tree branch. But so what? Big deal that Adam got the hood of his t-shirt caught on a clothes line and nearly hanged himself before anyone was able to get him down. But so what? So Luis was nearly mauled to death by an attack dog. But so what? Sure, Charlie had nearly gotten hit with a baseball when accidentally ran into a gang fight. But so what? So Peter had stopped to catch his breath, went to sit on a stoop, missed, fell on his ass, and bruised his tailbone. But so what? So Julie got stuck in wet tar in a newly paved ditch and twisted her ankle trying to get out. But so what? Alright, so Jesse was nearly hit again by the same 18 wheel truck at a different intersection. But so what? Ok, so Fulton was nearly run down by a man on a bicycle. But so what? So maybe Russ just avoided falling into an open sewer where there was construction going on. But so what? Ok, so Goldberg lost his footing on some loose dirt that he later found out was dog poop and went tumbling down a grassy hill in the park, knocking everyone down on the way. But so what? Sure, maybe Dwayne tripped over his own feet and knocked everyone down all over again. But so what? Big deal, it started thunder storming when they still had a mile to get to the restaurant. But so what? Ok, they were soaking wet, tired, and starving. But so what?

Sure, it was a small miracle that they were all still alive.

But so what? They had finally made it to Patty's Pizza, where they'd soon be eating something, and that's what counted.

"This...just...isn't...our...night," Guy panted.

"No shit, Sherlock," said Julie angrily. She fell into the seat next to Portman, knocking him slightly when she put her head on his shoulder.

"Don't do that, Julie, the room is spinning," he said, holding his head where he had run into the tree branch.

"Are you alright, Cake-Eater?" Jesse asked Adam. Adam was still slightly discolored from when he didn't get air during his adventure with the clothes line.

"I think so, just a little shaken up," he replied.

"Shaken up?" Charlie said in a voice of disbelief. "You're lucky to be alive."

"It was great how you all just stood there looking at me stupidly before someone got the sense to cut me down," Adam snapped at them. Then, turning to Dwayne he said, "Thanks for waking up and cutting me down, Dwayne. You're not as stupid as you look."

"Any time, partner," said Dwayne, smiling, cheerfully oblivious to the fact Adam was not only thanking him but insulting him at the same time.

"Hey Con- are you alright? Why are you bleeding?" Goldberg asked sounding surprised, while wiping dog crap off his shoe with a napkin.

"Well, I only fell head over heels down a flight of stone stairs, I can't imagine why I'd be bleeding," Connie said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Just then, a waitress came over. "Hey, you kids look a wreck."

"We are," said Fulton quietly.

"Are you all alright? Don't bleed on the cloth napkins, dear, blood is hard to get out. Use the paper ones," she said to Connie.

"Oh! Sorry," Connie grabbed a paper napkin.

"May I take your order?"

Everyone quieted down to look at Charlie.

"Six pitchers of coke and five large pizzas, two with pepperoni, one with mushrooms, and two plain," Charlie said, reciting his team's order that he knew by heart.

"It'll be about half hour kids, make yourselves comfortable."

"Half hour?" Luis said quietly as she left. "It's 11 already!"

"I'm tired," said Russ, yawning.

"So am I," said Kenny in a sympathetic voice.

"Did you see the look on Watson's face when we quacked at her?" said Averman, grinning.

"Yeah, it was deja-vu," said Peter, laughing.

"I hope we never have to run from cops again. That was absolute hell," said Guy, cleaning the dried blood off his leg where he was cut by the barbed wire fence.

"I agree," said Fulton. "Did you see that lunatic on the bicycle? He nearly killed me!"

"Yeah, I saw it," said Goldberg. "He was nuts."

"Then, after we finally get away from those cops, I can't believe we had to run a mile in the rain," said Jesse, trying to dry his hair with some napkins.

"Yeah, and I really appreciated how you all left me standing there in the pouring rain, with oncoming traffic, when my I lost my sneaker in the middle of that intersection," Connie said bitterly.

 "Well, at least you all weren't nearly killed with a baseball bat," said Charlie, pouring out coke, which had arrived, and passing it around.

"How did you mistake those gangs fighting with us?" Adam asked.

"Well, it's been such a terrible night that it wouldn't have surprised me if you had taken to killing each other with baseball bats," said Charlie honestly.

"Coconut toasted peanuts!" said Portman, a hazy look in his eyes.

Everyone looked at him. 

"What's he talking about?" Russ asked Julie, who was sitting closest to Portman.

"Nothing, just nonsense, he really took a bad conk to the head when he ran into that tree limb. I think we ought to take him to the hospital," Julie replied.

"Well, I'm not going to the hospital until I eat my pizza!" said Guy.

"WHAT!?" Julie yelled. "YOU WOULD RATHER EAT WHEN YOUR FRIEND COULD BE SERIOUSLY HURT THAN TAKE HIM TO THE HOSPITAL!?"

"In this case, yes," said Guy flatly. "This is ridiculous. It's been 5 hours since Charlie asked us what we wanted for dinner. I'm starving, I'm tired, I want my pizza, and I'm going to eat."

Julie looked around for support, but nobody said anything to agree with her.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD ALL RATHER EAT PIZZA THAN HELP YOUR FRIEND!" she hollered at the rest of the Ducks.

"It's not that we don't want to help him, it's just that we don't want to help him right now," said Adam. Then, seeing the look on Julie's face, he added, "It's just that, in this case, the pizza is the greater good. More people benefit from eating pizza than taking Portman to the hospital at this moment."

Julie considered this and was about to protest when she heard her stomach rumble. "Yeah, I guess you're right," she said, sitting down.

The pizza came out, and everyone grabbed a slice, including Portman. He seemed to have been revived of semi-idiocy by the food.

Everyone was about to chow down when Dwayne yelled, "WAIT! STOP! NO!"

Everyone dropped their pizza back on to their plates, looking startled.

"We forgot to say grace," said Dwayne.

"WHAT!?" Russ yelled.

"In Texas we always say grace before a meal," said Dwayne.

"In Texas many people marry their cousins. Where do we draw the line?" said Guy.

"We'll say grace, then we'll eat," said Dwayne.

"Ugh, fine, who'll say grace?" Jesse asked. When nobody volunteered, he said, "Fine, Charlie, you do it."

"Why me?" Charlie asked.

"Because you're captain," the whole team echoed back at him.

"And if you don't like it," Luis said, grinning, "You can go hug a landmine."

Charlie muttered something where only the word "assholes" was distinguishable. Then, audibly, he said, "Fine, fine."

He put his hands together and closed his eyes as if he were praying. Everyone else followed suit.

It was at that point Charlie realized he had no idea what to say. 

"Say something, Charlie," said Dwayne.

Charlie thought desperately. He wasn't a religious person, what would he say. Then he remembered something he had heard Tim Allen say in the movie 'For Richer or Poorer.' He decided it fitted the situation perfectly.

"Good food, good meat, good God, let's eat."

Everyone opened their eyes and started to laugh, except Dwayne.

"CHARLIE!" he yelled.

"Dig in, Cowboy," said Charlie, grinning devilishly, as everyone around them began to eat.

Charlie smiled to himself as everyone ate. The bad moods and the injuries were put on hold as everyone just ate gratefully and a buzz of conversations about times past took place. Connie was talking excitedly about the District 5 Championship Game to Julie. Adam, Dwayne, and Guy were telling Peter about the Junior Goodwill Games. Fulton, Portman, Luis, Russ, and Kenny were all babbling away to Jesse about their school year at Eden Hall, the Varsity team, and Coach Orion. Goldberg and Averman were deep in conversation about Bombay and what he was doing these days. Jesse and Peter then filled the older Ducks in on Terry, the Duncan kids, and Karp, and what was going on with them. 

As they talked past midnight and into the early hours of the next day, Charlie had to admit, he loved these people, in spite of how much he wanted to strangle them all tonight. Actually, at the same time, he had a ton of fun. It was like being on an adventure with crazy friends…HIS crazy friends…they would always be his crazy friends. How could they not? They've been through a lot on the ice, and off it, too. They had gone through hell tonight. Averman and his vampires, Portman tripping his waiter, the 18 wheel truck they had escaped twice. But so what? Sure, they had finally gotten dinner. But so what? Coach Bombay had always said that with hockey, it was having fun that mattered, not winning. It was GETTING the dinner that was the fun part, and the fun part was all that mattered, right?

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* 

Well, that's it. How'd you like it? A little sappy at points, but overall I don't think it was bad. Yep, this is complete. This was so much fun, I think I may write a sequel. Don't forget to hit the review button. Thanks for reading and reviewing, and like I said, I'm really considering writing a sequel. This was fun.

Until next time, keep it real, kids...keep it real, but don't forget to occasionally get lost in your thoughts and dreams…or somebody else's. Hey, ya never know, right? Peace.


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